It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing
outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an
average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them
and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat
him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the
fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would
meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.
I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would
just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk
to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we
had separate friends but when we got home we would always
talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him
that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted
me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of
encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and
thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was
something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that
night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that
I was feeling.
All through high school and even through graduation we're
always together and of course I thought of it as being friends.
But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On
graduation night even though we had different dates to the
prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody
went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that
I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance
and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars
and talking about what I was going to do and what he was
going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him
talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married
and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful.
All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next
to him.
I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was
feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but
I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and
told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt.
All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had
someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York,
I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see
him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt.
But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for
his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him
go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt
was going to be the last time. I went home that night and
cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what
I had inside my heart.
Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way
to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished.
One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage.
It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now
I know that I could never be with him and that we could
only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It
was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception
at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell
in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil
what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to
have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching
him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up
my sadness tears inside of me.
I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before
I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and
said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me.
I came home and just tried to forget about what went on
in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went
on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how
he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote
back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't
written anything for a long time after I had already written
6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless
and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me
at the fence where we used to talk about things". I
went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was
broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't
breathe anymore.
